It's a day since I've turned 22. I'm getting older day by day. Yesterday was just a milestone after I grew older after 365 days. Am of utmost graditute for my parents for raising me up in being who I am today. God-fearing, non-rebellious(not major), trained to do housework since young(awfully proud of it) and just being myself.
Despite the initial joy of turning 22, getting all the wonderful wishes from my friends, gifts and an ambush in the afternoon, the euphoria soon settled down and here I am, facing the harsh questions of life again.
I don't enjoy being so complicated-minded. Even my best noticed that I tend to complicate simple matters. God knows how she managed to put up with my weirdness(depends on how you put it).
Whilst driving to work, I almost got overwhelmed by my anxiety enemy. Wished I had Dopamine to just shut my mind down a bit to calm myself down. Despite being surrounded by loving family and friends, with wonderful pastors on call 24/7 and being loved by the most wonderful girl ever, deep down there is this emptiness within me.
I feel so lonely deep down. It's like the eerie type of loneliness, a deep longing. I thought the girl I loved could fill it, knowledge, hobbies but no, I was wrong. I chased after so many things to satisfy me. I pursued knowledge, things to stimulate my mind to find it but no, it's not there.
Since young, I've been restless within. Not easy being like this as a kid but that's what I go through. Then I could not explain it but now I can. Only God can....
So I started seeking. Reading the Bible, pray, be silent. The former two are easy, but when it comes to the latter, in my opinion bench-pressing is way easier.
They said God speaks to a silent soul. Great. How does a restless soul be restful after being restless within for more than half his life?
"Nos fecisti ad te et inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te."
Oh well, continue seeking is the answer. In the meantime, I can't complain because God has been good to me in many areas. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by awesome people. I shall continue seeking Him and do my best with what I have now while hoping and waiting upon Him.
L'Chaim
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